Sometimes the best option is the delete button.

Editing in life, reading as a process instead of outcome, and a movie with a manic pixie dream girl...

Mar 18, 2022

Last week was what I call a “caught the train” week. For some people, that term may mean it’s a good week—you caught the train/subway on time. But here, in the rural area I live in, “caught the train” means you got stuck at the train crossing.

For Murphy’s Law reasons, I only get stuck at the train crossing when I’m already running late. I’m generally an arrive-too-early person, so I’m not running late that often, but when I am, I know I’m going to hear that train horn and see those red flashing lights when I get on the main road.

Last week, it seemed like everything was going that way, red flashing lights everywhere. I won’t bore you with the details, but it meant that plans and schedules were blown up. And my husband and I were left with trying to figure out how to get everything done.

If you’re familiar with the Clifton Strengthsfinder personality test, my husband and I both have high Strategic strength. This strength means we’re good at figuring out the best way to do things. This also means that 99% of our disagreements stem from each of us thinking our plan is better than the other person’s. Sometimes deciding which route to go to get to a restaurant is a full-out debate with talking points and visual aids.

So last week when our schedule blew up, we were having one of those conversations, trying to figure out how to still get everything done—in particular, how to get our son to his band rehearsal.

I had to pick up a sick puppy from the vet after an overnight stay. My husband had an MRI scheduled. Kidlet needed to be transported to a city where neither of those other things was happening. Everyone needed to be fed. I also hadn’t written this newsletter yet so needed time at my desk. The logistics we were trying to outline were ridiculous, and finally, I realized—hey, we can just not do the non-essential things. We can use the delete button.

Kidlet could miss one rehearsal and it would be fine. I could skip writing this newsletter for a week and no one would die. The solution seems obvious now, but it wasn’t to me. Not when I’m wired to “get it all done.” This is, I think, at the heart of why I’m on this sabbatical in the first place. I’m good at using the delete button in my novels but not in my life.

Yes, sometimes we can’t help what’s on our plate, but more often than not, there’s probably something we can take off of it, even temporarily, to give ourselves a little breathing room. So if you need a reminder like I did, remember that hitting delete is a valid option.

Enjoying the reading vs. enjoying the finishing

Speaking of getting it all done, I’ve talked many times about how much I love checklists, reading challenges, and goal-setting. I get a high from completing things. However, this week, I was reading Fantasticland by Mike Bockoven and once I got to the halfway point, I found myself regularly checking how much more I had to go until I was finished.

This was not because it was boring or a bad book. It was quite a page-turner (though brutal and gory and definitely horror—don’t buy that “thriller” label on the cover—so you’ve been warned.) But I realized I was checking the page count because I’ve become so focused on the finishing of things that I’ve forgotten how to enjoy the process.

I already knew this was happening with my writing. I enjoy writing The End (so, I like having written), but I don’t enjoy the actual day-to-day writing. That’s one reason I’m taking a break to reboot. Only getting one day of joy during the 4-6 months of writing a book is a broken process. But I hadn’t realized that my focus on outcome instead of process had seeped into other parts of my life—like reading.

“An outcome-focused mind is an impatient mind.” —4 Reasons You Should Stop Setting Goals (and Focus on Process, Instead) from the Next Big Idea Club

I was feeling that outcome-focused impatience in a big way. What was I so in a hurry for? When I finished the book, that just meant I’d be at the start of a new one. Yes, I have a big TBR, but so what? Yes, I’d get to record the book in my reading journal and on my challenge, but who cares? Ugh. I annoy myself sometimes (lots of times.)

I needed some Zen Buddhism wisdom in my life:

“there is no purpose in getting anywhere if, when you get there, all you do is think about getting to some other future moment.”— Zen Buddhism teaches us of the importance of living in the present by Tim Lott on The Guardian

So, I’m going to work on enjoying the process of reading instead of worrying about how many books I’ve read or how fast I finish something. I don’t know if that means putting my reading challenges aside for a little while, but it might. I’d like to go back to that time in my teens when I was just reading because I loved the act of reading, when there was no other book to worry about except the one in front of me. We’ll see how it goes. I’ll keep you posted.

Do you find that you can enjoy the process or do you find yourself focusing on the finishing? Do reading challenges enhance or detract from your reading life? (I can make arguments for both sides on that one.)

Romantic Movie Marathon

Romantic Movie Marathon Review

Title: (500) Days of Summer

Release date: August 7, 2009

Where to Watch: Prime Video, Hulu

Starring: Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Levitt

Official description (from Amazon): “An offbeat romantic comedy about a woman who doesn't believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her.”

My description: Tom, a greeting card writer (who is trained to be an architect), meets Summer, the new girl at work, and is instantly infatuated. The movie plays with time and starts with them breaking up and then jumps around to show parts of their 500 days together.

My Review

1 . Is it actually a romance? No, despite it often being listed as a rom-com. It is not. And movie reviewers, don’t give me that “innovative rom-com” or “new twist on rom-com”. It’s not innovative or a new twist if it doesn’t meet the definition of what a romance is. *steps off soapbox*

2 . Romantic tropes: heroine doesn’t believe in love, insta-love (on his part), not a romantic trope but this is one of the early examples of what has become known as the “manic pixie dream girl” character

3 . Sweet or steamy? sweet-ish

4 . Swoonworthy love interest? no (though I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, just not this character)

5 . Would I want to be friends with the main characters? The hero would be exhausting to be friends with. I maybe would want to be friends with the heroine, but we don’t really get to KNOW her because manic pixie dream girl syndrome (see below)

6 . Does it show its age? no

7 . Would I rewatch? maybe for more analysis because I’m a nerd

8 . Favorite moments: the scene where they’re in IKEA and pretending they live in the living room and bedroom setups

9 . Thoughts: So, manic pixie dream girl characters tend to be beautiful, quirky, fun, maybe a little wacky, and effortlessly “cool.” They are interested in the hero for no discernible reason. The character exists solely to make the hero realize he needs to grow/quit his job/follow his dream/etc. Therefore, there’s not a true balance in a romance between these two characters. It’s about the hero’s journey, not hers. So, I liked a lot of individual scenes in this movie and I enjoyed both actors, but the “romance” wasn’t really a romance. So I’d say if you’re watching it to see a guy get “unstuck” in his life or to see the anatomy of a break-up, then the movie works. If you’re watching it for a “rom com”, then it doesn’t. There’s also an overarching melancholy tone despite some fun quirky scenes. I would also make the argument that the hero definitely falls in love with the “idea” of the heroine and not the actual heroine.

10 . Rating: 3.75 for a movie about a guy figuring himself out, 2 if you’re watching it as a rom-com

Has anyone else seen this one? Thoughts?

On the RAD Reading Podcast

This week we’re sharing our best picks of what we’ve been reading, watching, and listening to lately! Prepare your To Be Watch list because we have a lot to add to it.

Listen in your favorite podcast app:

Apple podcasts
Audible
Spotify
Or add to your favorite podcast app with their “Add by URL” feature and paste this link there: https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/rad-reading

Substack App

You can now read the Happy for Now newsletter in the new Substack app for iPhone.

Available for iOS and Android

With the app, you’ll have a dedicated Inbox for my Substack and any others you subscribe to. New posts will never get lost in your email filters, or stuck in spam. Longer posts will never cut-off by your email app. Comments and rich media will all work seamlessly. Overall, it’s a big upgrade to the reading experience.

The Substack app is currently available for iOS. If you don’t have an Apple device, you can join the Android waitlist here.

That’s all I have for you this week. I hope you have a fantastic weekend!